Agents of Shadow Page 2

  Jamie had heard many variations of the same advice from friends, parents, and high school teachers in the past, but overachievement was her lifelong companion. If high blood pressure sought shelter in the hotel of her existence, then so be it. It was to be expected, and any conditions related to stress would always be well overshadowed by her accomplishments.

  In the midst of this self-acknowledgement however, she never strived to overachieve for any reasons of self-gain, only to succeed as one who would be a light for others. She remained humble from any recognition or reputation. Her constant diligence served her only so that she may serve. Jamie was devoted to follow a selfless path, knowing that her true rewards would be waiting for her in the afterlife. And a great opportunity presented by her faculty advisor and mentor could definitely set her on such a path. She was anxious to know more.

  As the last of her classmates exited the auditorium, Jamie ascended the stage and approached Professor Madsen who was still preoccupied with collecting his notes and carefully placing them in a folder. “You wanted to see me Professor?” she asked quizzically.

  Professor Madsen had not yet looked up from his task to meet Jamie’s questioning eyes, yet responded nonetheless; “Did I want to see you, Miss Partell?” His voice sounded innocent and unknowing, but Jamie knew him well enough to sense a hint of teasing in his sophisticated tone. She suspected he was playfully attempting to raise her anticipation of the revealing of this mysterious summoning of her audience with him.

  Understanding his subtle sense of humor, she decided to play along with equal quasi-innocence. “I assumed you did, sir. It appears you left a note for me at my desk.” She smiled proudly as she revealed the Post-It note to him. It wasn’t common that she would be on such comfortable terms with someone of Professor Madsen’s status. He was well respected at the college, and it was rumored that he was favored to replace the retiring dean of the Department of Behavioral Sciences. Students usually kept a respectable distance from faculty members of high stature, but the good professor proved to be professionally open and social with his students. He easily won them over with a light-hearted but intelligent mannerism.

  Furthermore, he and Jamie slowly broke through awkward walls of ice throughout the semesters of mentoring, not to mention his constant approval and recognition of her achievements in the field. He seemed to respect her almost as much as she respected him, and he would sometimes treat her at a level just above the typical college student, given her maturity and devotion to the science that was his life. Through time, the comfort level between them was established, and she knew she could joke with him if she wanted without fear of unbalancing the appropriate student-teacher relationship. She chose not to though, if only out of respect for him and the fact that, at the end of the day, she was just his student and not his colleague.

  Professor Madsen slid his folder into his leather brief case, then looked toward the note she was holding out to him through his expensive looking, black-rimmed glasses. Without so much as a conformational smirk or wink to allow her the satisfaction of ending this little game, he reached out with his hand and took the note, almost studying it as a new piece of evidence.

  Finally, the familiar smirk formed very slightly upon his face as he looked from the note to her wondering eyes. “It appears that I did,” he replied, “and here you are.” He gently stuffed the note into the inside pocket of his tweed jacket. Jamie found it a bit puzzling that he kept the note instead of returning it to her; it made her think of a high school teacher who accepted an excused note from a student who might come to class late. She dismissed the puzzlement however, as it appeared to have no relevance to the current situation.

  “So how is my young protégé?” he went on.

  “Just fine, sir. Keeping busy as usual.”

  “All work and no play still?” he questioned with a tone that gave forth some concern, though Jamie could tell he was impressed, like always, with her.

  “Only when I can help it,” she answered. “I always try to make the most of my day.”

  “Ah,” the professor remarked, “but do you ever make the best of your day?”

  Jamie grunted a short laugh as she pushed her dirty-blonde hair from her face. “Some of my peers would disagree with me, but I believe every day that I spend toward my studies is making the best of it.”

  “Disagreements are a part of what we do, Miss Partell. They are always present and commonly revealed by our peers as well as our superiors. In those moments, it’s usually wise to depend on our own beliefs.”

  Jamie sighed in response to this apparent delay of the pertinent information her mentor was supposedly about to reveal, but she stopped herself quickly to avoid seeming rude. She started to wonder why men of great intellect always liked to start conversations as if they were giving an introductory paragraph before stating the thesis, even though the introduction rarely had any relative connection to the topic. She was anxious to know what news Professor Madsen had for her, and since she didn’t have much time for small talk at the moment, she wanted to get down to the business of the matter. She tried to remain as polite as possible however, as she sensed he responded much better to a respectful tone than he would to an aggressive one. “I suppose you’re right, Professor,” she finally responded. “Unfortunately my beliefs tend to hinder my social opportunities as a college student. It causes my peers to distance themselves from me.”

  “Does this cause regrets, Miss Partell?”

  “Not enough to change my beliefs, sir.”

  Professor Madsen nodded the way any psychologist might when listening to a patient before he finally commented to her. “Good for you, young lady. But don’t let your beliefs determine the outcome of your life. Live your life to the fullest, and trust that your beliefs will always guide, not control you.”

  Jamie wasn’t sure if she completely understood the logic behind these words of wisdom, and part of her wondered if her mentor even knew what he was talking about, or if he was just talking out of his ass to sound sophisticated. She nodded with a false display of comprehension nonetheless. Then, in order to avoid a long discussion on the philosophy of life and destiny, she spoke with a hint of impatience: “Well, Professor Madsen, it’s been a long day, and I’m unable to come up with good transition here, so I’ll just cut right to the chase and ask you what you wanted to see me about.”

  The professor chuckled quietly. “Alright, Miss Partell, I’ve tormented you long enough.” His tone suddenly changed from a playful manner to a more serious one. “I have some information for you that might be useful and beneficial toward your educational goals,” the professor went on, finally appearing to get on with business. “Do you have a moment?”

  She hid her irritation. She thought she had already given him a moment. However, she admired him too much to show too much impatience. “I have a few minutes, professor,” she answered, “but I have to catch my bus in twenty minutes.”

  “Your bus?” he inquired as he zipped up his brief case.

  “Yes sir. I live off campus, outside of town, so I take the local bus to and from campus.”

  “I see. Well this may take a little bit. I wouldn’t want you to miss it.”

  “I wouldn’t mind taking the next bus,” she informed him, “except that the ten o’clock is the last run of the day.”

  Professor Madsen pondered for a moment. “I suppose it can wait until next Tuesday. It’s about an unexpected opening for an internship this summer that can really get your foot in the door. There’s some paperwork for you to sign if you’re interested. Highly competitive, but I personally know the Intern Director. We may be able to delay getting the paperwork to him until next Tuesday if I call him and talk to him…”

  “But Professor,” Jamie cut off, suddenly intrigued, “don’t we have class again this Thursday? Couldn’t I look over it with you and sign it then? I could come early or make arrangements for my fiancé to pick me up after class.”

  Madsen shook his head. �
�Unfortunately I’m leaving for Indianapolis in the morning for a national conference. I won’t be back until next week. Dr. Lee will be proctoring this Thursday’s class for me.”

  “Oh,” Jamie said while looking down at her watch. She knew she could call Neal to pick her up tonight if she missed her bus, but he was working tonight, waiting tables at a popular diner on the other side of town. He wouldn’t be getting off of work until 2 a.m., and she couldn’t sit around campus until that late. Perhaps it was best to wait until next week to go over the information with Professor Madsen. If the internship was no longer open next week, then it just wouldn’t be in the cards for her, and life would go on. There were plenty of summer internships in her field anyway, and any of them would certainly polish her résumé when venturing out into the world of careers. Besides, if this one may be still available if Madsen can convince his contact at the internship site in…. in…. suddenly, an anxious vibe buzzed in the back of Jamie’s mind. “Where is this internship anyway?”

  The professor slightly raised his eyebrows, “I didn’t tell you? Why, at the Department of Education of course.”

  Jamie almost felt her mouth gape open. “You mean in Washington?”

  “Headquarters, yes,” Madsen replied. “Obviously they offer internships at the regional offices more often, but this one is in the heart of the action. It’s why the application process is so competitive.”

  “Yes, I know,” Jamie responded with a touch of despondence in her voice. “I’ve applied to internships in D.C. before and have never seemed to get even close to being a final candidate.”

  Professor Madsen nodded. “Usually they’ve already got their top candidate in mind. It’s called pre-selecting, but they have to hold open applications to appear fair. Of course an internship like this requires a very strong work ethic as well as outstanding researching skills and knowledge of the field, but you usually also have to know someone… and get personal recommendations from professors who… also know someone.” He rolled his eyes as if to show empathy for the typical applicant who might experience the frustrations of coming face to face with the politics involved in an area where it shouldn’t be. Then he went on: “Luckily for you, Ms. Partell, this opening is last-minute due to the fact that their original selected candidate has turned down the opportunity for some reason, you would have my recommendation, and… I happen to ‘know someone’.”

  “And the paperwork?”

  “Could take a while,” he admitted. “Normally there’s a whole package you have to submit. As you’ve said, you’ve applied to internships at Washington before. They should have a record of your profile. Not only that, but I can get my contact to shoe you in, but you’d still have to fill out the agreement clauses and contractual documents… I’d say it would take about thirty to forty-five minutes.” There was a brief pause between the instructor and the student. “So the ten o’clock is the last bus run, huh?”

  “Yes,” Jamie answered with vexation as she ran her hand through her hair. She was deep in conflicting thought. “This is big. This is really big.”

  “True,” Professor Madsen agreed. “You know, I could give you the paperwork to fill out. You could have it done and then drop it off with Dr. Lee on Thursday. I can give him a message to fax it to the Department of Education for you. It’s just that the packet is back in my office.” he scanned his watch. “I don’t think you’ll catch your bus if you come with me to get it.” Jamie looked at her watch as well, shifting her weight on her feet. “Tell you what, why don’t you make arrangements to come to campus early on Thursday? I’ll leave the paperwork with Dr. Lee, and you can fill it out before class.”

  “But what if the internship is no longer available by then?” Jamie asked worriedly.

  “Well,” Madsen considered, “it’s only two more days.”

  Jamie seemed unsure of herself. She felt doubt creeping into the chambers of her mind, frantically knocking on her forehead and trying to remind her of the over-used cliché about the inadequate length of opportunity’s random (and too seldom) visitations upon those unfortunate hosts who are not quick enough to answer the door. “A lot can happen in two days, Professor M. What if someone else gets selected by then?”

  The professor leaned against the podium, calm and collected; not displaying a sense of urgency in the matter the way Jamie was. She didn’t think he was ignorant to the fact that time was of the essence with an opportunity like this, but then, it wasn’t his future that was on the line. Still, she believed he wouldn’t drop the ball from lack of concern when it came to one of his students, especially one of his top “protégés” that he appeared to take so much pride in. She was well aware of how fond of her he was, because perhaps her academic success so far gave him high hopes that she would experience even greater success in the same field as his. And he could one day feel proud that it was his influence that caused it. She believed he would do everything he could to help her get this opportunity… an opportunity she suddenly wanted more than anything.

  It surprised her that she was so impulsive about this, almost obsessing over the idea of interning at Headquarters, even though the notion was introduced to her mere moments ago. She couldn’t remember any other time in her life when she had so quickly made up her mind about what she wanted. Her father had advised her on more than one occasion never to make a huge decision in haste, to take ample time to think it over and weigh the pros and cons. Yet, here she was, a future psychologist showing impulsive behavior. Why did she want to pursue this so badly? So blindly? Especially when she had not yet been given much information or detail about this internship. Jamie almost put herself in check when this came to mind, because this personality in her was outlandish… not her at all, almost as if there was something else that was pushing this rash desire on her… even manipulating her perhaps.

  She abruptly ceased the direction in which her thoughts were now heading. Not only was this silly (Now I’m feeling impulsive AND paranoid, she thought), but she was certain it was her own inner voice, and not some foreign one, that realized how important an internship at the Department of Education could be for her. Experience like this, especially when inserted into her ever-expanding résumé, could open up limitless avenues that could lead her to exactly where she wanted to go. Impulsive or not, this was a chance she had to take. Besides, wasn’t her father also the one who informed her that opportunity was not a lengthy visitor? She concluded that every situation is different and therefore requires a different response: sure, there are times when you need to sleep on a decision, and there are times when you have to raise your sails while the wind is good, because you never know when it will die down.

  “I’ll give a call to my friend at HQ tonight,” Madsen spoke, breaking Jamie’s thoughts, “I have his home number. I’m sure when I tell him about you and that I give my full recommendation that you’re the one he’ll want, he’ll hold the opening for you until the paperwork gets in. We go way back, and we trust each other’s judgment. Besides, he owes me a favor or two.”

  Jamie relaxed a bit. “Okay,” she smiled, “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate what you’re doing for me.”

  “Not at all,” Professor Madsen smiled back warmly, “it’s your own efforts that have gotten you to this point.”

  “Still, it’s comforting to have such support from you and the rest of the department here.”

  “Of course, Ms. Partell. It’s why we’re here. Now don’t miss your bus.”

  “Right,” she agreed as she tightened her grip on her shoulder bag and started off the stage. Then she hesitated. That voice again inside her, somehow telling her that she could be missing out; she would be missing out on a great opportunity if she walked away without being sure. The strange voice was advising her to be absolutely sure… “Professor Madsen?” she turned back toward her mentor, “Not to be bothersome, but you’re positive your friend will be able to hold the position for me until we get the paperwork in?”

  Madsen sighed as
he put his hands up in disarming defense. “I’m fairly certain, Jaime, but I can’t exactly give you a one hundred percent guarantee.”

  Jamie showed a slight frown. Anything less than one hundred percent wasn’t enough for her. She started to speak: “But isn’t there something we can do…”

  “Look,” he interrupted her with the patient smile of an understanding mentor, “we have to be realistic. The Intern Director, Dr. Jacobs, will be more than willing to shoe you in, but he has a chain of command… superiors in the department. They may not accept just his verbal recommendation. There’s a chance they’ll want at least a signed statement of intent from you, for legal purposes you see. Again, that form is back in my office. You’ll miss your bus.”

  She paused, then responded. “I can miss the bus. It’s okay.”

  “You said you live outside of town. That’s a hell of a hike, and Gettysburg isn’t the safest place for a young lady to be walking that far so late at night. A lot of tourists and college boys… not many of which are usually sober this time of night.”

  “No, really. I’ll be fine.” Again that obsessive determination flooded back into her being. She was so strangely fixated on making this work, that she was now willing to put her own safety at risk.

  “I can’t let you do that Jamie. If something were to happen to you on your way home, I would be responsible.” Disappointment started to cover Jamie’s expression. “Listen, I know how important this is to you, and I don’t think you have much to worry about. I can’t promise you the position, but I know your chances are good; two days really isn’t that long of a wait. And if for some reason it doesn’t work out, then it just isn’t meant to be. I’m sure there will be other windows that open. There are plenty of other internships available at the smaller regional offices. Any of them will definitely give you a good amount of experience to…”

  “Could you drive me home then?” she cut him off as her eyes widened at the sudden revelation of the solution to the dilemma.